Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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