I'm so fucking centered right now
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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