its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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