I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
