evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
too bad you live with your parents still
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
