What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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