we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
