then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
