Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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