bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
