he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Randomize
