I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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