then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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