I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
