Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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