If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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