I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
