If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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