Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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