I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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