My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
