I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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