She is in my trunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
