i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
