You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize