he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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