you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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