i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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