mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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