A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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