Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
