Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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