happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
