um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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