put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
