hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
