like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
