you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
