i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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