I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it glows. i had to have it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
