in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
