Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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