you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
