I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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