i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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