dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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