proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
