i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
