remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
