You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
