Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
