I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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