This is not my ceiling
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
