Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize