I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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