atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
