Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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