I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
