Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
