Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
