Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
