My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
