Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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