I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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